Easy to say No

I have been listening to some music of the 1970’s lately.  There was a lot of really great music written and performed during that time.  I admit that my focus on music was solely on one single band when I was a youth and I did not pay attention to a lot of other great groups.  How awesome is it to discover them now?  

One such group is 3 Dog Night.  Fantastic harmonious vocals from 3 lead singers. The sound is so pleasing to hear.   21 Hits.  How did I miss some of these? I remember a few of the songs, but not all 21.   No worries- I found them now.  That’s all that counts.  I even purchased 2 used albums to play on my record player.  I want to hear the music as originally intended.

While listening to one of this group’s hit songs, I was struck by part of one of the verses from the hit song “One.”  

“No” is the saddest experience you’ll ever know, yes, it’s the saddest experience you’ll ever know.

I pondered this from a literal standpoint —aside from the brilliant irony —it really is a relevant statement regarding today’s standards of communication.   Much of our communication is via cell phone text and I honestly wouldn’t be sad receiving a “No” once is a while.   Moreover,  I believe most people have forgotten that it’s ok to say “No” or that they are required to reply at all.  The sad part, actually, is not getting a reply.  Not replying has become quite common and convenient.  This is what happens when we no longer communicate in person—one-on-one. Yes, that pun was intended.

 I am accustomed to communicating by text quite frequently.  It’s easy, swift, and I can move on to other tasks while I await an answer.   Yes, I am a guilty party to this nonverbal, impersonal form of communication.  I prefer it because it is effortless and multi-task friendly.    I need to accomplish tasks, gather information, delegate, and make requests.  These things take a lot of time, and I can compartmentalize with texting.  It’s easy to check off that “TO DO” list when using text format.  

Texting is efficient as long as the recipient of the text answers in a timely fashion.  How many of us pick up our phones, look at the text we just received, and then put them back down?  Sometimes we don’t answer because we don’t like the text we received or don’t want to reply to what is really on our mind.  We just don’t want to say NO, and it’s annoying to do so right then.

 My two sons are culpable offenders of not replying–and they are grown, adults.   I am almost certain that the lack of response to my texts are generally accompanied by an eye roll  and the shake of the head while sighing, “She’s such a Boomer.” 

Technically, I am not a Boomer.  I am classified as a “Jones-er.”   I looked it up.  Boom or Jones- I know how to search as well as any Gen X-er.   Knowledge is power when communicating with tech-savvy offspring.

Over the past few years, I have realized that if I do not receive an answer to my text, it is because the answer will most likely be “NO.” (Clearly, it cannot be my lack of patience so often observed by my husband)  It is ok to say NO, but is it ok to not reply or reciprocate?

Why are we afraid to say NO?  Is it uncomfortable?  Will it offend?  I would rather have an answer declining the request than no reply at all.  I do believe it’s a good idea to give the respondent 24 hours to get back to you.  After that, a second text was sent asking if they received the first one.  When it comes to my sons, I sometimes choose to send that second text around 4 am when I know they are sound asleep.   Any actions taken past that can be pestering or annoying, and I would never be annoying to my own children.  (smirking as she types)  After all, not every text goes through.  Surely there must be some vast information cloud out there in the tech world with thousands of lost texts, possibly today’s version of “The Island of Misfit Toys” from the ever-popular Rudolph Christmas show.  I can easily imagine some crazy tech overseer in the form of a giant flying Lion monitoring all unanswered communications as his laughter echoes through the frozen wilderness.  His only mission is to randomly stop text messages from finding their intended receiver!

If you receive a text message from me, I have come up with a list of ways for you to say NO that are kind, unoffensive, and won’t make me sad:

For the Procrastinator:

1. I’ll get back to you after I think about it.
2. I need to ask my (husband, wife, boyfriend, mom, dog, employer)

For the person who feels derelict about saying NO:

1. Thanks for the offer, but I can’t fit that into my schedule at this time.  Wait, ok, I’ll do it.  No, wait, I am having a procedure that day.
2. It’s very kind of you to ask, but I will have to decline.  If I can think of someone else who can help you, I will text you their contact information.  I’m sorry! 

Here’s one for the Pragmatists: 

1.  NO.

For the Proud or Cavalier:

1.  I can’t believe you’re asking me. 
2. Laughing face emoji reply

I think I fluctuate between pragmatism and the laughing emoji (in my own mind), yet in reality I truly am the person who feels guilty about saying no.  The first step is admission.  I at least have that going for me.

I believe I will listen to another album on my phonograph now, perhaps something a little less deep, maybe some Led Zeppelin.